Hello Friends!
You all know how much I love and admire Shannon and her very uplifting articles...The sole reason why I chose to share this with you, is because most ladies still make these silly but seemingly logical mistakes. The male folk out there should also read this and understand how best to appreciate the woman's fear/shortcomings. Your understanding of why the woman act the way she does, would better help you understand her and help her.
Enjoy!
“He’s too old, He’s too young, He’s too, fat He’s too skinny, He’s too nice, He’s too dark, He’s too light, He’s too tall, He’s too short…” My list keeps me safe, my list keeps me in control, and my list keeps me ALONE!
Women want control, but we need love…it’s impossible to have both.
Before I met and fell in love with my husband, I had a list. My list gave me an illusion of control, but it was motivated by my two greatest fears — rejection and abandonment. It wasn't until I surrendered “my type” and my “checklist” that I found perfect love with an imperfect man…my husband of 13 years. A checklist is a shield of emotional armor that serves to deflect and protect us from potential disappointment. Once I got married, my “list” was irrelevant; it had nothing to do with the process of truly loving and being loved by my husband. Our list makes us feel safer momentarily, but lonely constantly.
We cannot “control” when, how and where love finds us.
Burning our list means we willingly release the false belief that we can control how love finds us. We cannot. The only thing worse than finding fault with every man you meet, is never being found by a man who truly loves you. When we measure, grade and hold each suitor against our list, we almost guarantee permanent singleness. No man alive can meet 100 percent of what we desire; the very nature of control blocks us from love. A real woman recognizes that in releasing control, she can receive love. But releasing the need to control requires courage, honesty and humility — three things our stringent list does not allow us to experience.
Releasing the LIST, receiving the LOVE.
A STRONG, Independent woman tries to control and manage the way love finds her and ends up tired, and alone. A WEAK, needy woman takes any man that comes along and ends up empty and broken. A REAL woman surrenders her “must haves” to the possibilities of what “love has.” A REAL woman is willing to take a risk knowing that she can fall head over heels in love with an imperfect man, or stay lonely and discouraged without one. As a former STRONG, Independent woman, I found that it was easier to hone in on the faults and shortcomings of a man than to risk the pain of hurt, rejection or disappointment.
When I first met my husband he was a true gentleman, he would take off my coat, open doors, attentively seek to meet my needs with a gentle and humble spirit. I actually said to a close male friend of mine at the time, “I like him, but He is just TOO nice.” My male friend then replied, “Shannon, you are used to drama, this man brings none. Drama becomes addictive.” Wow, I actually had a problem with the fact that my husband didn’t leave me feeling “off-balance” or like I was seeking someone whose heart was unavailable. To have a man who adored me, and who played zero games was foreign. My fear and self-sabotage could have cost me the greatest blessing. My husband is by no means a perfect man, but he is perfect for me. Likewise the man who finds you will NOT be perfect, but his heart will be perfect for yours.
Burning your list, does not mean settling.
Every woman should have her non-negotiable standards. Surrendering your list is not giving up, it is “opening up” to the limitless possibilities in a world where half of the ENTIRE adult population is searching for “the one.” Without your list to hinder, pre-judge and block potential suitors; you will be surprised at how many good men are out there. Keep auditioning men for the role of a lifetime, your mate. Keep an open mind, one day you will look up and find yourself in the arms of an imperfect man, who is committed to loving you and all of your imperfections for life.
Source:www.shannonyvette.com
xoxo
Simply Cheska...
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