The 5 Fears that Keep a Woman Single....

Hello Friends!

Shannon Yvette my friend and mentor, has again in this article, hit the nail on the head without mincing words. The truth might taste bitter or sound harsh but it's only the TRUTH that can set us free from any shackle of bondage. I have found myself exhibiting these fears and this article is a healing balm...Share with me this truth I feel every woman should know.

Do you put off a “this shop is CLOSED for business” defensive vibe? Often times the very things we claim to desire (marriage and companionship) are subconsciously thwarted by our deeper fears of being hurt. These fears become our own worst enemies when it comes to inviting true love to find us. It’s easier to convince ourselves that all the good guys are taken, or that we’ll never get married. If we believe these excuses, we don’t have to feel the sting of rejection or abandonment. Real love rarely finds a woman who allows her fears make her pessimistic, tough and guarded.

The 5 fears that KEEP a Woman single

1. The fear of rejection.

Nothing stamps “FAILURE” in our minds like the pain of rejection. Our fear of rejection keeps us from being open to love. If we don’t desire anything, then we won’t be hurt when “nothing” finds us. When dating, many of us find a way to “bail out” first, so “he won’t ever get the chance to hurt us,” but we are hurting ourselves. The truth is we are rejecting our own greatest need, our need to be loved.

2. The fear of abandonment.

When we fear abandonment, we find men we feel superior too, smarter and stronger than. These are the safe men, but they are not the right men. Men chosen out of our fears cannot sustain the journey towards lasting love and intimacy. We may also choose to stay with the wrong men too long, the ones who will never commit. We hold on to nothingness thinking “at least they have not left me.” But we are fearfully half-hearted and subconsciously holding our breath until the ball drops.

3. The fear of betrayal

I am the by-product of a broken home, where divorce was the result of infidelity. I was wounded by my father’s betrayal as if he “cheated” on all of us. I developed a deep rooted fear of being betrayed. The thought of suffering that pain again, caused me to almost sabotage my relationship when I was dating my husband. Later, I spent the early years of our marriage with a manipulative and suspicious heart. Fear of betrayal can block real love and intimacy within a marriage, and it blocks love from finding us when we are single.

4. The fear of divorce

Do you fear the eventual destruction of a relationship through divorce? Subconsciously fearing future pain through divorce will drive self-protective, destructive behavior. You may rotate boyfriends constantly, find fault with men very easily, or create a wall around your heart that no mortal man can penetrate.

5. The fear of intimacy

Shame creates a fear of intimacy. Shame is the lie that there is something deeply and inherently WRONG with us. It makes us believe that if anyone ever knew the real us they would not find us lovable and adorable. But our greatest, life-giving need in marriage is intimacy; the freedom to know and be known. Our fear of intimacy will block us from being authentic and vulnerable enough to open our hearts. We will never go to the next level in our relationships if we are unable to overcome our fear of intimacy.

Defeat the fears, and open your heart:

Fear often hides in our good reasons, excuses and familiar justifications. We say we want a REAL man but a REAL woman has done the hard work of facing her fears. She courageously evolves into a woman who responds to life by faith instead of reacting to life from fear. Real women, attract Real men. No woman can control if love will hurt or disappoint her, but she can view fear as an opportunity to change and heal her own heart. Be open to the possibilities of love, surprisingly enough, they are found right on the other side of your fears.

By Shannon Yvette. You can follow her on twitter via @ shannonyvette and join her Facebook page(inspired truths for relationships).

XOXO

Simply Cheska.

@Q_Cheska